In The Ghetto

Uh, huh. Yes, Elvis can be on this list. It's not EP's fault, the song was written by Mac Davis, who will be a frequent defendant ( trust me). Elvis does the best version, the one that doesn't make me vomit continuously. But this is still one of the most awful of songs.



By the way, I'm sorry I haven't updated this in months, but you know, listening and tracking bad songs can drive a person to the nearest padded cell.

Uncle Albert/ Admiral Halsy

Paul. The Beatle with an unerring sence of melody. The one who wrote " Helter Skelter", my favorite Beatles song of all time. Then he started writing stuff like this, and I've never forgiven him.

Tell Laura I Love Her

Ray Peterson's earnest " classic" about teenagers in love, stock races, death... it makes me retch.

You're Having My Baby

Paul Anka is lucky his wife didn't hit him for this sappy crap.

Heartbreaker

Mariah, Mariah- using " Genius Of Love" for " Fantasy" was one thing, but using the same damn sample- lazy. And this song is crap. Sorry, Mimi.

They're Coming To Take Me Away

Napoleon XIV and his novelty hit. My mom loved to sing this while making dinner.

Patches

Dickey is in love with Patches, a poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks. Dickey's parents think it is a bad idea to marry Patches, so he ignores her. Patches drowns herself in the " dirty ol' river", and Dickey, so despondent over the news, decides to join her. Good riddance.

My Humps

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it...

Bonus video: The bootom vid is Alanis Morrisette's very funny parody of this song. I remember why I love Alanis now.

Afternoon Delight

Fact- this song was the number one song the week of July 4, 1976. It was Bicenntennial week, and a song about lunch time nookie was number one. And I thought the U.S. was a sexphobic, puritannical country...

Other than the sentiments ( sex= good), this song is beyond '70s bad. Those voices. That music. ( Starland Vocal Band= apocolyptically awful). I know people who love, love, love, LOOOOVE this song. They are no longer my friends.

Timothy

Cannibalism as pop song.

Thank you again, Rupert Holmes.

If it looks like I hate Rupert Holmes, I don't. He has written some fine music for the Broadway stage, and a really good novel called Where The Truth Lies, which was turned into a really good movie by Atom Egoyan. I just really hate his pop music career.

This video is a slideshow that tells us a bit about the history and circumastances of the song. Some of it is actually quite humorous.

Seasons In the Sun

As a Canadian, I have felt obliged to apologize for many things. The cold. Snow. Hockey fights. Don Cherry. Paul Martin. Bad music from any era. The usual.

This song by Canuck Terry Jacks, also a member of the terrible band The Poppy Family, is among the Canadian music industry's biggest transgressions. It's whiny, cheesy, pointless- did I mention whiny? Yes? Well, it desereved to be mentioned again. Awful.

Escape ( The Pina Colada Song)

Yuck. They are bored with each other, they decide to cheat on each other, they place personal ads, and they find.... EACH OTHER!

Shoot me now.

Copacabana

If you are a Fanilow, and you want to rip me to shreds, go ahead. I hate this song. I don't hate "Mandy", though, so remember that when you are trying to track me down...

P.S.: I'm sorry about that bit of Genesis at the end, there, but this was the first " Copacabana" clip I found with Barry on YouTube, and I wasn't going to search any harder than neccessary.

Young Girl

Jail bait. He's singing about jail bait. Classy.

Worse, his inability to keep it in his pants seems to be her fault. God.

MacArthur Park

Rather than subject you to this song, I decided to bring you this clip from SCTV, in which Dave Thomas is brilliant and Eugene Levy is hilarious.

Honey

Oh, Lordy, I hate this song with a violence I save for all my exes. My teeth actually hurt from the saccharine. I love Dave Barry's idea- the song is almost bearable if you beleive the Hell's Angels took Honey away. I'd cry needlessly, too, if my guy thought this was a song worth listening to.